For as long as I can I will deny myself of this truth and as hard as it is for you I wont allow you to ever think that this is something I can accept wholeheartedly.
I know you just want me to be prepared but as inevitable as death is, so is the pain to lose a father.
Lately, when I come home to you during weekends, you hold my hands more and more and I feel your love more and more but unlike before when I feel a childlike joy every time we share a short but sweet moment holding each other's hands I now feel an unexplainable sorrow and so you make me cry more without you ever knowing.
More than the love you wish to convey with the way you hold my hands I feel your grief as you say goodbye to me. A goodbye you have no courage to utter and a goodbye I dreaded hearing.
In the brief moment when I kiss you to pay respect as I arrive home you may see me all smiles and glad of seeing you and ,oh yes, I am indeed very, very glad - but inside my heart weeps as I see how much you've grown older and weaker from the last Sunday that I was with you.
That's when I will realize how much I terribly missed you the whole week that I was away.
That's when I will realize how much I terribly missed you the whole week that I was away.
There are times when I would find you all by yourself looking at a distance. Your mind wandering, you wouldn't even notice that I am already beside you.
Moments like these breaks my heart and as much as I want to sit with you I would always excuse myself while I can still stop my tears from falling.
I have always been showy of my love for you.
I would hug and kiss you every time I feel like it but lately I had to stop myself from kissing and embracing you on an impulse while we watch TV together for I am terrified that you'd see through me.
I am afraid that you will feel my ever growing fear of losing you.
I would hug and kiss you every time I feel like it but lately I had to stop myself from kissing and embracing you on an impulse while we watch TV together for I am terrified that you'd see through me.
I am afraid that you will feel my ever growing fear of losing you.
Oftentimes, I wonder if I am more fortunate compared to my other friends who've lost their fathers unexpectedly or is it more painful seeing you fight for your life?
An office friend who'd lost her dad years ago from a long battle with cancer once shared how she and her father openly discuss his impending death.
Somehow I envy her courage for despite her love for her dad she was not afraid to let go.
Somehow I envy her courage for despite her love for her dad she was not afraid to let go.
For my own good and our family's, I know I will have to learn to slowly accept the inescapable truth but while you're within my grasp I will hold your hands as if I was still a little a girl who completely depends on her father's strength and utterly believes that no matter what, Papa will not let go of my hands.
From my funnygirl blog account from an old social network.