This is my rational self's bid to convince my
rather dejected ego to be grateful in the face of a sad truth: I have fallen in
love with a friend who will never love me back!
My association with you started from being a
mere acquaintance linked only and reconnected recently by no less than a social
network.
By
some twist of
fate I was given the chance to
reunite and eventually become friends with you.
We're no
best pals and I won’t claim to know you that well but lately I have unconsciously
developed this closeness with you. A closeness that may not mean anything to you but
meant the world to me.
I'm your friend and I'm a part of your life now, no matter how diminutive that part may be.
This is why, common sense tells me, I should be grateful - for even though you may never fall for me, I at
least have you for a friend, a priceless gift from God I nearly overlooked amidst my bouts
of blues.
Out
of a short
lived despair I almost disregarded the joys my friendship with you has afforded me:
The heartfelt laughter over the most silly things, the discovery filled small talks about anything & everything shared over a dinner and a cup of coffee and through exchange of text messages and during travels out of town.
Our familiarity of each other has not only qualified me to make fun of you & tease you, it has armed me with a license to care for you in my own little way.
I can easily tell you that I wish you well and that I pray for you plus I get to know you a little more as days pass by, a privilege I may never have in the absence of friendship.
Months back I was happy and contented to share this budding friendship with you until
that morning when you called.
Unexpectedly, I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart started beating as fast and as loud as my cell phone's ringing tone.
That's when things started to change for me, that's when I started seeing you in a different light.
Of course I know what that butterflies and that
heart beat meant. What I don't know is why and how?
I could easily blame an invisible arrow as the culprit but I know that what I felt is far real than the cherub that directed that arrow towards me, it's that unforeseen force called love.
That night we both asked each other the same question over some silly game we played and your answer has kept me wondering all these time.
For a moment I thought could it be?
I would be lying if I say that I have never once assumed that you might feel something for me too, that I didn't misread your sweetness, politeness & kindness as a possibility of you liking me.
For a while I allowed myself to drown in the illusion that there is something going on between us.
That you are closer to me because I am special. That you always tease me, which honestly hurts me most of the times, because you like me. That you communicate matters through me because it's your excuse to be in touch with me. That there are moments when we would secretly look at each other and end up catching each others eyes. That we would go out with friends so we can see each other.
The illusions made my eyes smile, made a happier person out of me and brought out the best in me.
Every one started noticing how inspired I am and how I bloomed.
You are good for me and made not only me but the people around me happy and excited.
But these are just illusions and I have hurt and fooled my self long enough!
I now leave everything in God's loving hands.
From the bottom of my enamored heart I pray for God's best for you.
I pray to our all knowing God to give you someone who will love you, take care of you and support you in all that you do.
Someone to laugh with as you share every meal and drink coffee every day, someone to hold your hands as you share long talks about the past, the present and the future, someone to create a memory with as you travel the world together.
I may be letting go of my dream of being that someone but I am not letting you go for I wish to be your friend for as long as you will allow me.
Our friendship, no matter how new it is, is more tangible than the love that I long for and I can live with that for even as friends we can still laugh and travel together.
And I have faith that God will find a way for you to someday hold my hands even if only as a friend.
