my song for the one person i wish to be with.....

There are times when I do look forward to going to sleep at night not because i badly needed a rest but because I just want to dream about you......be with you.......

If i can't have you in the real world atleast in my mind, in my dream you are mine and as the title of another Jason Mraz's famous song goes - I Am Yours........

useless sentiments

I badly need to blurt this one out cause I don't want be grumpy and bitchy tomorrow!
Yes, i will be there cause I have a commitment to myself and I choose to honor that!


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...............I HATE THEIR STUPID RULES!

Don't they know the word consideration?
Can't they for once be lenient to people who's always around to support the group?
I've been doing my best not only for my own cause but to be able to help meet our goal.
Can't they see that, can't they even consider that?

Would they rather they that I lie to them?

For the past months  even if i am already feeling sick, i was there for the team.
Yes i do have my share of trivial rewards for being such a hero but that's not enough.
I need to feel that they also care.

THE PEOPLE NEED TO FEEL  THAT THEY ALSO FUCKING CARE FOR OUR WELFARE!

I actually have a choice!
I can't just go on with my plans tomorrow!
But i will not, because as much as i hate rules i will follow them.

If not only for my personal project, they will not see me tomorrow.
And when I'm there they will not feel my anger...............................

SCAR

Scar \skar\ n : a mark left after injured tissue has healed.

This is how Webster defined a scar while the Free Online Dictionary defined it as a lingering sign of damage or injury.

For me, a scar is what defined me. 

Atleast one particular scar defined who I am to myself, my family and the people close to me.

While others branded me a bitch this scar christened me as an angel in my Papa's eyes. 

And that alone matters.

Whenever i would hear people say bad things about me I try to find peace as my fingers traces this 8-inch scar below my right rib cage and then I am reminded that there is more to me than what these people see.

They are simply not worthy enough to see, feel and experience the good in me.

When someone i love, care for and close to me hurt me I find comfort as I feel my scar and tell myself that no matter how much pain this person may have caused me I know that there will come a time when i will do whatever I can for the love of that person and then my pain starts to heal.

My scar has thought me valuable lessons I would never have learned in any other way.
    
I came to know my worth because of this episode in my family's life that has in a way blessed me with this scar.
   
I began to really fathom that special bond a daughter shares with her father.


Most of all I had a better understanding of what a family truly is.
    
I may no longer be considered whole in terms of  body parts but in terms of the joy it brought me I have never felt this complete.
    
While the operation that resulted to this scar did not fully served it's purpose it has presented me and my family with new ones -  to unite and renew our faith in God, in each other and in ourselves.
   
A scar may be considered a damage by others, I on the other hand consider it as a catalyst to myself restoration. A reminder who I AM.
  
So when people make me question myself and my worth I have this treasure to hold on to and nobody can take that away from me.

***************

June 13, 2012 marks the 6th year anniversary of my father's
kidney transplant which failed 12 days after 
due to the blood clot in one of the veins where
the right kidney I donated was appended.

Despite that and because of our faith  in God 

we still have our dear Papa in our life 
providing us with whatever he can 
in his own fatherly way.

cRaZY 4 yOU

 the current apple of my eyes.............

                an addition to  my collection of lil' devils..........

(the future temple run master)

           the reason that makes me go home every weekends......

(with the doting LOLO)

 the alarm clock that wakes me up Sunday mornings........   

       









  
                                                                                 my joy, my stress reliever, my angel........                 

meet my pamangkin, Jenzhel Raine,  the seventh in my growing number of pamangkins, one of Tita Nene's HAPPYNESS!

stretching, breathing, farting.....

I've always wanted to give Yoga a try but because of my "farting" incident in an aerobic session at the office, many years ago, where we did a couple of floor exercises which entailed a lot of stretching - I have since then put this plan aside.

Though devoid of the toxic odor, the disturbing sound that echoed inside that room puts me in the spotlight and there was no way I can deny that it was me who farted.

Oh, I can still remember how hard the girl beside me tried not to laugh  or tried to laugh without a sound but sadly the uncontrollable shaking of her shoulders gave her a way.

And so, for fear of adding another embarrassing experience to my growing list I have never again attempted to join a class which will require a great deal of lying down, stretching and breathing.

Well not until the Ps. 100.00 per session right at the convenience of our own building offer came along.

Ignoring that fear, I registered and attended my 1st yoga class last April 23 and my 2nd class last May 8 without any accidents.

We'll I still have 2 remaining sessions left, I'll find out soon if I have already outgrown my old way of detoxifying........

ME, MYSELF AND I

One of these days I will just pack my bags and travel alone to a place I have never been to or just go back to one of the places i have visited and loved.


I have so much going on in my life right now and I feel like escaping from them all.


I need to cure myself and at this moment this is all i can do, write down my thoughts in my blog site that has no followers.


Much as i would like to, i couldn't share my struggle even with the people i trust.


I guess I am afraid that they will confirm my suspicion that this me, myself and I crisis that i am going through is the inevitable mid-life crisis.


Of course i know that travelling by my lonesome self is not the cure for this kind of journey but I can just imagine the amount of time i'll have for "me".


A time when i don't have to think about others but me and how i will survive a day in place where nobody knows Velle, Velyas, Nene, Evelyn and Ate.


Just for a day i want to be careless and carefree.

Di Ako Choosy!!!

Is to have a crush with men of various sizes, shapes and colors an abnormality?

Is it unusual not to have a common feature or trait among the men you find attractive?

A close friend’s observation of my diverse list of crushes (interpretation: most of them are not good looking) got me to thinking, is something wrong with my emotional make-up, at least in reference to men?

While most of my friends look for a particular feature in men like being chinito, mestizo, long hair, bald, tall, handsome, I don’t!!!

I am not very particular with physical attributes, not that I have the right to be “choosy”, I just don’t have physical preference.

He can be abnormally tall, unfortunately short, extraordinarily thin, excessively fat or simply chubby and still end up as the apple of my 125-150 vision-eyes.

He may have large eyes, his ears and his two front teeth may give Bugs a run for his money, his hair can be curly, straight or loosing, his color may be fair, dark, darker and darkest and still be truly attractive for me.

While I am sure that falling in-crush with an assortment of guys doesn't make me a flirt, in the deep recesses of my chaotic mind I do wonder if somehow my confusion when it comes to what I really like in a guy can be classified as some sort of anomaly in the world of psychology?

To better understand the diversity of my choices I have actually considered drawing a chart with the photos of the men that I used to like and currently like with their traits as caption, the very reason they ended up in my list – unfortunately for them.

As much as I would like to share this illustration, drawing it would be too much of an effort and would need time which I sadly don’t have enough of plus i don't have a picture of all of them, needless to say let’s just keep this chart imaginary and protect the poor guys from exposure and myself from further shame.

Anyway, just by running the long list of my crushes in my mind I believe I have somehow answered my question.

Besides, I prefer that some of them remain a secret.

Allow me instead to enumerate the silly and sane reasons why this Venusfalls in crush and eventually falls in love with Mars.

The smart looking guy in the terminal who seem to have all the colors of the short sleeves barong whom I keep seeing every morning, the ragged looking chap in his tattered jeans and sneakers who’s always in the same bus as I am every night or the four-eyed geek in the elevator - seeing all these characters regularly is reason enough for poor me to fall in-crush with them regardless if they're good looking or not, especially when you know that
they also recognize you.

An acquaintance who acknowledges your existence by saying hi, nodding or waving can another pogi point for me.

Or it could be a random stranger who accidentally smiled at me or simply asked for a direction and remembered to say thanks, a gentleman who offers his seat to a generic looking girl like me, a caller with a kind or sexy or handsome voice – as shallow as these may all seem, these can actually trigger whatever it is in my brain to decide that.....hey, i like you!

Di ako choosy and I fall-in-crush so easily!

After a thousand crushes and still counting, I now know why!

Because I tend to see and appreciate what others don't notice like a smile, a thank you, a look of recognition, an act of chivalry and a sense of confidence with the way they carry themselves, these to me are too much to be ignored.

I am more attracted to what a guy exudes from within rather that what he have physically.

It's not that I don't have good looking crushes, I do, but then their looks says it all, no need to justify why birds suddenly appear every time they are near.........