Eulogy, Confession, Farewell and Awakening!

From my funnygirl blog account from an old social network, published February 15, 2008.


Consider this a eulogy, a confession, a farewell and an awakening.

Ever since I've heard of how death cheated you, I have been deeply affected.

Back in college our encounters were limited to occasional chit-chat as you join our tropa in a corner in the campus we have claimed as our territory.

A couple of times you've played the guitar for us as you fearlessly hummed a line or two from a tagalog song by Jaime Rivera while all others preferred banging their heads to Rivermaya's Kisapmata and E-heads' Toyang.

These memories are just fragments or our young lives, not significant enough for us to keep in touch and not too trivial for me to not feel anything when I found out about your death.

The extent of your demise' effect on me had given me sleepless nights and have compelled me to write away my grief.

I was saddened not only because you were my crush back in college but also because of the way you have died, so young, so tragic.

It made me realize how easily our lives can be taken away from us, from our loved ones and our dear friends.

Were you able to atleast kiss or hug your children that morning or have you somehow managed to say goodbye to your wife, your mother, your siblings?

Was there any premonition of the terrible thing to come?

Have you somehow felt that your time is up? 

What were you thinking and what did you feel as you faced death? Was there even a chance for you to think or feel?

The other night as I was about to sleep I have a vivid picture of you lying still. From the door where I was standing, I was looking through your casket from your head. For a while I was scared but then I realized that it was your way of saying goodbye to an old acquaintance.

And this on the other hand is my way if saying goodbye to you.

I would forever remember you in your maroon Giordano shirt, pair of Vans and a pair of brown corduroy pants strumming the guitar with your soft and long fingers which you also use to sweep away the hair off your kind face.

Goodbye, RJ. May you find peace in our Creator and may your death be given justice.

Terrified by Katharine McPhee

it's true what they say, you understand a song's lyrics when you yourself is experiencing it.....

I'm A Looser!

Lost 10 lbs already! 

Weighed myself at the clinic last Wednesday, October 3 -  and somehow I was surprised that I've gone down from 137 lbs to 127 lbs.

It was August 24 when I last stepped in the weighing scale, September 3 when I started my no-rice-at-night diet and September 18 when I started running again on a regular basis.

I was doing the math and it scared me a little that I lost that much in just one month. It may not be a lot for the others but comparing it from the last time I worked on a diet it was a bit fast.

Anyways, I've decided to stop at this weight. I no longer want to push it but i will definitely work hard to maintain it. It's enough that I can now fit in my jeans and wear my Thursday uniform.

Less rice in take and at least twice a week visit at track 30 in BGC will do the trick.

When Will I See You Again by The Three Degrees

am a sucker for old songs.....

Just got back from a late night run.

I was so frustrated with my brother for three nights in a row and tonight I was already in the brink of crying so I decided to just hit the track.

For 30-minutes I was running non-stop without getting tired , I guess despite my frustration I still need to thank my bro for pissing me off.

Unsent Letter to Papa

Time and again you've told me that the inevitable will come. That one day you will have no choice but to leave us.

For as long as I can I will deny myself of this truth and as hard as it is for you I wont allow you to ever think that this is something I can accept wholeheartedly.

I know you just want me to be prepared but as inevitable as death is, so is the pain to lose a father.

Lately, when I come home to you during weekends, you hold my hands more and more and I feel your love more and more but unlike before when I feel a childlike joy every time we share a short but sweet moment holding each other's hands  I now feel an unexplainable sorrow and so you make me cry more without you ever knowing.

More than the love you wish to convey with the way you hold my hands I feel your grief as you say goodbye to me.  A goodbye you have no courage to utter and a goodbye I dreaded hearing.

In the brief moment when I kiss you to pay respect as I arrive home you may see me all smiles and glad of seeing you and ,oh yes, I am indeed very, very glad - but inside my heart weeps as I see how much you've grown older and weaker from the last Sunday that I was with you. 

That's when I will realize how much I terribly missed you the whole week that I was away.

There are times when I would find you all by yourself looking at a distance. Your mind wandering, you wouldn't even notice that I am already beside you. 

Moments like these breaks my heart and as much as I want to sit with you I would always excuse myself while I can still stop my tears from falling.

I have always been showy of my love for you. 

I would hug and kiss you every time I feel like it but lately I had to stop myself from kissing and embracing you on an impulse while we watch TV together for I am terrified that you'd see through me. 

I am afraid that you will feel my ever growing fear of losing you.

Oftentimes, I wonder if I am more fortunate compared to my other friends who've lost their fathers unexpectedly or is it more painful seeing you fight for your life?

An office friend who'd lost her dad years ago from a long battle with cancer once shared how she and her father openly  discuss his impending death. 

Somehow I envy her courage for despite her love for her dad she was not afraid to let go.

For my own good and our family's, I know I will have to learn to slowly accept the inescapable truth but while you're within my grasp I will hold your hands as if I was still a little a girl who completely depends on her father's strength and  utterly believes that no matter what, Papa will not let go of my hands.

From my funnygirl blog account from an old social network.

T.R.E.K Quirino

Last August 25, 2012 with the help of TRails to Empower Kids [T.R.E.K], I had one of the most meaningful and most memorable climbs of my life thus far.

Thanks to the invitation of Ms. Kelly Austria, the sister of a good friend and one of the founding members of TREK, I was given the opportunity to be part of this worthy adventure. 

It was very humbling to be with this group of adventurous people who came from all walks of life and gathers together at least twice a year just to share and extend their blessing to students from the most remote of places.

When I signed up for TREK Quirino, I was completely clueless as to the scale of their outreach program. That was until I saw the boxes of goods being unloaded from the bus, the transportation which in turn delivered us right at the doorstep of Nagtipunan Councilor, Keith Coronado (who generously prepared breakfast and lunch for the group). 

I was surprised to see the goods loaded into a truck and was even more overwhelmed when the boxes consumed every nook and cranny that no space was left for the members and volunteers to sit on.

Days before the climb, I had been wondering how the goods would be transported from the foot of the mountain up to the Kakidugen and Tamsi Primary school. 

For the nth time that day, I was taken aback when I saw the answer to my silly question. Waiting for us were the locals, with their carabaos and carts, who went down to help carry the goods with smile and excitement on their faces.

Seeing everyone in action, I couldn't help but feel diminished as I compared my modest contribution with the amount of work, time and dedication poured in by all the members in organizing the climb in support of their cause.

It gave me goose bumps just thinking about how they prepared for and completed Trek Quirino.

From visiting the schools, to coordinating with the locals and the local government units, to soliciting donations, to buying and packing the provisions up to that day when the other volunteers and I stood and moved amongst these unsung heroes.

I know they've been doing this for five years already and I've seen photos of their other climbs and being there in person gave me a sense of pride and a reason to smile.

After a short prayer from Atty. Jong (another founding member), the exodus began.

And as we started trudging our way up I couldn't imagine how the animals carrying the heavy loads will get pass through the rivers and the rocky and steep stretches. 

As for me and my fellow volunteers, the five-minute interval between trek and rest, the photo-ops, the fruit picking on the side and the friendly chit-chat with members, old timers and founders made the climb not only bearable but ultimately enjoyable. 

Despite the physical exhaustion from the 4-hour trek everybody was in high spirits the following day.

The members and founders who stayed up until the wee hours of the morning preparing the food for the locals went about their chores as if they've had a full 8 hours sleep in a comfortable bed.

The mood was festive and there was laughter anywhere you went.

Before the children started arriving with their parents, the slippers and rain boots were arranged on the school grounds, forming the name of the group inside a heart. The books, school supplies, loot bags and t-shirts from the generous donors had been arranged inside the classroom ready for distribution.

Once the children started lining up in the glare of the morning sun the surroundings became brighter than ever,  illuminated by their grins as they receive their presents.

  

Their faces was painted with pure joy and excitement as they compared their loot with each other and as they showed it off to their families.

The school ground was a picture of heartwarming chaos as the children with their mothers and fathers ran around looking for the perfect pair of slippers and boots that would fit them and with TREK's ates and kuyas helping them try every pairs on.

After the gift giving and a couple of games, the parade of food, lovingly prepared by the food committee headed by the resident cook (and another founding member) of the group known to us volunteers as Boy C, followed shortly.

This time the children lined up with their families to get their share of spaghetti, sopas, chickecn tinola, chicken afritada and rice.

After a sumptuous lunch, we all gathered to take pictures with the children to officially end the program. This while the others demonstrated the use of the solar panel, another donation from TREK. 

The solar panel will provide electricity to the school which incidentally, also serves as the residential quarters of the two devoted teachers who stay the whole week there for their students.

The moment the crowd started leaving we also began packing our stuff and in no time we were all marching down headed to our next stop, the Kakidugen Primary school.

Once again, we found ourselves surrounded by the children's faces lighted with their sunny grins and curious gazes but before long our smiles were sunnier than theirs once the gift giving  commenced.

Witnessing these acts of sharing never fails to make me feel as blessed as the ones receiving the gift of love. 

This heartwarming experience left me wanting for more and I am looking forward to climbing new mountains with these big-hearted people as they continue with their commitment to empower more kids and as I strive to give back in my own little way.

****************

Photos are from Marz Luciano, Kelly Austria, Khnowell Dulay, Ponga Saracho, Judy May Jadulco, Myrla and Mon Corpuz - most them I just grabbed from their FB accounts =)

Thanks to my friend Nina Galang for the edits and Pia Tagaro =)